39th Confession

Here's hoping your new year is brilliant and fantastic, as well as completely wonderful!

As some of you know, I used to work at a call center.  It wasn't the best job in the world, but then again, I'm not entirely qualified to say that, because what didn't work for me might work for someone else.  I also have had my share of fun with people on the phone, both before I worked at the call center, and afterwards.  Let's revisit some of that today, shall we?

First, most telemarketers/advertisers/people who cold call and annoy you have a script that they have to read.  This is abasing, detracting from basic human dignity by attempting to analyze and measure something that ought not have been measured probably in the first place.  Second, the person reading the script is usually being forced to work long hours for peanuts, not generally adding to their general good cheer.  Third, most of them have just gotten off of a call where they've either been verbally abused, degraded, or cussed out - and they're dreading talking to you because they think you'll do the same thing.

So what should you do?  My suggestion is one of three things, depending on how much time and love you have.  Well, on how much love you have: if you have the love, you'll make the time.  For people who don't have the time or the love, just thank them for calling and hang up.  Say no more than that - it's the kindest way to deny them what they're shoving on you, and they're used to it by this time anyway.  For people who have a little time, listen to their script, kindly thank them and tell them of your disinterest in a polite, courteous way.  Of course, they're going to try again a couple of times - it's in their script.  Listen, thank, and dismiss politely again, repeating as often as you wish.

The third option is to actually interact with them as though they were actual genuine human beings.  Gently coax them out of their scripts by complimenting their accent.  Answer their question with something totally outrageous.  If you get them off their script, you give them a chance to breathe and be a human being in a dehumanizing position.  At worst, you've just wasted their company's time (which means nothing to you, but a bigger paycheck for the agent); at best, it gives them something to talk about at the soda machine.  "Hey, you'll never believe this call I had with this guy who calls his fish long distance.  No, really!"